Online Dating: Tips and Tricks

Summary: After more than a dozen years navigating online dating in her 50s and 60s, Mary Walsh shares five essential tips—from knowing your deal breakers and vetting candidates to prioritizing safety and maintaining high standards—that helped her successfully find love and move in with her partner Vince.

It’s an understatement to say that online dating can be challenging, especially for those over the age of 50. I know first-hand, having spent more than a dozen years in and out of the internet dating trenches, beginning in my early 50’s. Divorced after 22 years of marriage, I initially found the process to be intimidating and daunting. But in time, I learned it could be rewarding and well worth the effort. So whether you’re serious about finding true love, or just looking for a nice person to go out with, I offer my top five tips and tricks to help you successfully navigate the unpredictable waters of online dating.

Know your deal breakers and stick to them.

Don’t underestimate the importance of deal breakers. Give serious thought about what kind of relationship you want, the type of person you’re looking for, and what behaviors or viewpoints are unacceptable. Once you know your deal breakers, don’t ignore them. Too many times I cut some slack and let things pass, thinking things might work out. They never did.  I wasted a lot of time ignoring the red flags that popped when my deal breakers were staring me in the face.

Vet the candidates.

When you start online dating be prepared to spend some time weeding out the fakers, posers, and scammers. I hate to say this, but it’s true. As online dating increased in popularity over the years, so did the number of sketchy characters that began to populate the dating pool. In the old days, you’d come across some losers and hound dogs here and there, but today, what you find online can sometimes be offensive and even scary. Be careful and don’t rule out running a background check, if need be.  If you have doubts, check it out, or step away. Trust your instincts.

Work the system.

Online dating sites make it easy for people to get to know one another. Take advantage of it. You can flirt, like, wink, show interest, favorite, and give thumbs up to a photo. You can text or talk anonymously. You can email and find out if someone reads your message, or you can peruse profiles without anyone knowing.  No matter what your preference, the important thing is to get out there and work it, baby. Be proactive, but don’t be annoying. Too many times, I’ve been blasted by those who think it’s cute to tag every photo with a flirt or wink.  I never appreciated the flirt harassers and didn’t hesitate to use another nifty feature found on dating sites, the “block” button.  Don’t think twice about blocking those who are aggressive or hateful.

Safety first.

I highly recommend exchanging some emails then having a phone call or two before going on a date. If you communicate through a dating site, your personal email address won’t be revealed.  Stick to communicating through the site for a bit, being mindful of not revealing personal information such as your last name or workplace.  If you want to have a conversation,  some sites also let you talk on the phone anonymously until you feel comfortable sharing more. I’ve learned how valuable the email and phone stage can be. Red flags popped up. Deal breakers were revealed, and although disappointing, I found myself grateful to have avoided going on a date that surely would have ended badly.  On the flip side, don’t drag out communication too long. If someone hesitates to meet, it might be a set up for catfishing when someone uses a fake identity to take advantage of another. If someone refuses to meet, move on.

If you are lucky enough to make it to a date, don’t stop being careful. Let a friend or family member know where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and the phone number for the person you’re meeting. Always meet first in a public place by driving yourself or being dropped off.  Taking a few simple steps to stay safe pays off with the peace of mind that comes with it.

Be a Dating Badass.  

I realize I sound harsh and rigid with my tough advice, but I know from experience. I spent more hours than I care to admit giving men the benefit of the doubt, ignoring their bad behavior, hoping for the best, all to no avail.  For my peace of mind, I learned to stick to my guns, quickly dismissing those who didn’t rise above the rest.  I wouldn’t hesitate to give a guy the boot the second I realized the chemistry wasn’t there, or we didn’t have enough in common, or he was rude, or didn’t call when he said he would. I know it sounds like small stuff, but it’s not. Manners are important. And the small stuff happens all the time. That’s why you have to be ruthless and keep your standards high. By being a dating badass, I found the good guys stood out pretty quickly, especially one named Vince. After dating a year, we moved in together, and I am happy to report, it seems to be a perfect match.

Originally published:

January 2020

NorthwestPrimeTime.com