Spotting The Bad Ones

SUMMARY: There are scores of sketchy guys out there in the online dating world, from creepy to downright dangerous. To avoid these guys, you need to trust your intuition and become familiar the telltale signs of a guy who’s no good.

When we think of bad guys in the world, we often think of violent criminals; the axe wielding, gunslinging, murderous evil ones who kill or harm others with no remorse, or those who can easily violate laws without thinking twice. Those are the criminal psychopaths. These types of psychopaths such as killers John Wayne Gacy, Charles Manson, or financial swindler Bernie Madoff, provide compelling Hollywood stories for film and TV.  Their psychological pathologies are severe, their crimes extreme.

ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL

The criminal psychopaths take their place on one end of the spectrum of psychopathy. Not all psychopaths end up becoming criminals, but each can share similar traits. In other words, people can display some qualities of a psychopath without being a full-fledged psychopath with violent tendancies.

It’s estimated that psychopaths make up as much as one-percent of the population. In the U.S., with a population of more than 300 million, that means that some three million people are psychopaths, with plenty of them operating as productive members of society.  In fact, some studies have shown the prevalance of psychopaths in the upper levels of business.  As many as one in five top business leaders may have psychopathic tendancies.  Research also shows that up to 15 percent of the population are categorized as being subclinical psychopaths or  “almost psychopathic.”

WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR

So what are the characteristics of a psychopathic personality? There are plenty of indicators. Characteristics include excessive charm or charisma. In the online dating world that could include those who are expert sweet talkers or love bombers. The psychopathy checklist also includes a sense of grandiosity and lying. Online dating profiles make it easy for psychopaths to lie about their accomplishments and to mimic empathy. 

Once in a dating relationship constant lying is a huge red flag that should not be ignored. Psychopaths use lying to deflect or confuse. They manipulate others to get their way. Gaslighting is used to make others doubt their own perceptions. They shift blame and refuse to take accountability for their actions. They crave control. They also can make false promises to keep others invested in the relationship. Psychopaths generally have shallow emotions and no empathy for others. They also have a knack for disregarding boundaries, and have noticable mood swings. Over time, patterns come into view.

WHAT TO DO

According to the experts, the best word of advice about how to deal with those that have psychopathic tendancies is DON’T. Walk away. Get out. It’s not worth it.  You can’t change a psychopath’s behavior. 

Listen to and trust your gut.  Studies have shown that some people can actually have a physical response to a psychopath such as feeling queasy or nauseous.  Researchers believe it might be an ancient evolutionary response to an “intraspecies predator.”

When it comes to dealing with a psychopath actions speak much louder than words. Because they can be glib and charming, they can quickly bowl you over.  So pay close attention to what they do, not what they say.  When it comes to lying, three strikes, you’re out.

The bottom line is pay close attention, be smart and don’t give up.  Take heart in the fact that most people have a good conscience and good intentions, and the capacity to love.