Spotting The Scammers

As online dating has grown in popularity over the years, so have the number of scammers and fraudsters who lurk on the internet in search of the vulnerable and gullible. They will first steal your heart, then much more. But there are surefire ways to spot the scammers and protect yourself.

It may seem hard to believe, but modern online dating has been around now for several decades. After Match.com launched in 1995, numerous dating sites followed suit, bringing online dating into the mainstream. By 2025, an estimated 80 million Americans  were using online dating as a way to meet people. Those seeking love online, however, have to navigate a gauntlet of challenges. One of the biggest challenges is making sure you don’t get scammed.

By The Numbers

According to the FBI, 2024 was a record-setting year for fraud in America. Losses due to fraud totaled a jaw-dropping  $16.6 billion dollars! Seniors are especially vulnerable. Nearly 150,000 seniors lost a whopping $4.8 billion dollars in various scams, with romance scams ranking near the top of the list for fraud. In 2024, total losses due to romance scam added up to more than $670 million dollars, with those older than 60 losing a staggering $389 million dollars!

Faced with those numbers, anyone jumping into online dating world, especially seniors, should heed those well-known words of advice to be on the alert and proceed with caution! 

Romance Scams Unleashed

In the world of crime, romance scams, also known as sweetheart scams or honey traps are a type of confidence scheme, a con job, in which scammers trick their victims. The scammer gains the trust of their victim with one goal in mind, to steal their money or assets. The FBI still labels romance scams as confidence fraud.

The rise of social media had made it the life of the fraudster so much easier than in years past. Gone are the days of the long con filled with love letters, secluded smoky restaurants and late-night trysts. Nowadays, dating apps, a well-written profile, attractive photos and lonely, vulnerable people looking for love provide the perfect combination for a fraudster.

The emergence of artificial intelligence adds to the threat, by opening the door to deep fakes and voice cloning. It allows scammers to record fake voice notes, “live” selfies, and video calls. With AI, deep-fake fraudsters can also stage emergencies, by pretending to be in a hospital emergency room in the hopes of triggering financial payments.

Types of Romance Scams

There are numerous ways for fraudsters to carry out their romance scams. Among the most common tactics:

Fake Profiles - They craft an elegant sounding profile, with stolen photos, and sometimes exotic sounding jobs, many time overseas military jobs, which explain why they can’t meet.  When I was online dating I came across scores of profiles such as these, which I suspected were fake.

Love Bombing - Fraudsters overwhelm their targets with words of affection, daily phone calls, and extravagant flattery such as, “I feel like you’re my soulmate.” The love bombing can quickly lead to talk of marriage and being together forever.

Isolation – When I was online dating, this is a tactic that I experienced time and time again. Immediately after meeting someone I would be asked to move off the platform. They’d offer excuses, such as “My subscription is about to expire.” Don’t fall for it!  Moving off a dating app makes it harder to report scammers.

Asking for Money – Scammers will sometimes lay the groundwork for a money request by describing medical ailments and challenges. When a “medical emergency” crops up and the scammer asks for money, the request seems sincere and legit. Other times, another contrived emergency will pop up, such as a car breakdown. Or the scammer may offer their new love a financial “opportunity,” such as a crypto investment proposal.

Pig Butchering - This is the modern version of the long con, with scammers grooming their victims for months and sometimes years before steering them into fraudulent investment schemes such as crypto scams. By the time the scam is launched the victim’s love is so intense that it becomes nearly impossible to say no.

Protect Yourself

Fortunately, there are many ways you can protect yourself from those eager to take advantage.

Due Diligence – Carefully read profiles. Do a reverse image search on every photo in a suspicious profile. Don’t hesitate to do a background check or even a simple Google search to verify identities.

Know The Red Flags – If a profile is elegantly written, but the person you’re communicating can’t string together a proper sentence, that’s a red flag. So is love bombing, and excuses for not meeting. If it feels like things don’t add up, listen to your gut.

Don’t Send Money - This includes all forms of money, such as gift cards, crypto and money wires.  Don’t send money and refuse all efforts to entice you into an investment scheme.

Block and Report – Once you suspect someone is a scammer, immediately cease all communication, report the suspected fraudster to the dating site and block their profile. You can also file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center.

One of the best things you can do is take your time, go slowly and trust, but verify.  Always verify.